就是要宁缺勿滥.

话说，一个多月前有一个久没联络的外州朋友突然主动找我聊天，问我成绩怎样有什么打算等等。然后向我要照片。我就心里想说，okay 啊，可能对方怕会忘记我这个朋友。但我还是没马上就传给他；给他的理由是，待我剪了头发后再给他新的。刚开始我是真的 mean it 的。
过后有一天晚上对方忽然问我愿不愿意和他在一起。原本，鉴于我认为我所认识的他基本上是个蛮不错的人，所以就尽量婉转地拒绝他。而对方也没什么，我们还是朋友，仍然保持联络。

可是时间不久，大概两个星期后，我渐渐地觉得他是那种“宁滥勿缺”的人，就越来越不想再理他。直到有一天实在忍无可忍，就把手机调去 flight mode（然后 msn 也 block 了他）。而幸好对方也醒目，过后也不再找我...... 直到昨天晚上临睡前突然收到他的短讯
竟敢还来 sms 我，我心想。马上把手机关机，上床睡觉



我知道这样子很幼稚，可是对付怎样的人就要用怎样的办法。我也知道自己绝对不是美女，可是我也有自己的立场与坚持的事情
那些花心，宁滥勿缺的人是我看不过眼及讨厌的一种人。我不否认我曾经几乎忍受不了寂寞，可是我怎能让自己成为一个自己讨厌的一种人呢？

我是个把对错，黑白分很开的人，虽然我不会否认中间灰色的存在。可是一旦被我认为是不对的东西，我就不会让自己去做，所有事情都如此。

当然，我相信每个人都有自己的优点及缺点，我也不介意跟一些对感情不认真，或者我不赞同他们一些做法的人做朋友，只要他们没对我或在我面前做出那些我个人认为错的事情。

我需要做的，就只是不让自己成为那种人

FreeRice : Play and Help

〔点击图片开启 FreeRice 网站〕

About FreeRice
FreeRice is a non-profit website run by the United Nations World Food Program. Our partner is the Berkman Center for Internet & Society at Harvard University.

FreeRice has two goals:

1. Provide education to everyone for free.
2. Help end world hunger by providing rice to hungry people for free.

This is made possible by the generosity of the sponsors who advertise on this site.

Whether you are CEO of a large corporation or a street child in a poor country, improving your education can improve your life. It is a great investment in yourself.

Perhaps even greater is the investment your donated rice makes in hungry human beings, enabling them to function and be productive. Somewhere in the world, a person is eating rice that you helped provide. Thank you.

今天上网乱逛之下看到的
只要在它的网站中答对一道题目，他们就会捐出 10 grains of rice*〔不知道华语怎样说〕给世界各地受饥饿折磨的人
既可以测试自己的知识程度，又可以帮助到需要的人，何乐而不为？
况且我们也可以学到一些英文单字。

我玩过了，里面除了英语科目的问题，还有化学、数学及地理。不过基本上数学的题目还蛮普通的，最高的 level 是十，不过也到初中程度而已。只有英语单字比较，可以说，有挑战性，因为总共有六十个 level，而我最高只能到十七十八而已。我的 vocabulary 果然贫乏到不行啊！


或许我们会怀疑捐米那档事是不是真的，可是得空时候去玩一玩、学一学东西又何妨？



*48 grains of rice = 1 gram

经济饭；咬一口.

这几天我也不清楚自己的心情是如何的
很复杂。不喜欢
有很多很多的话想说，就是不晓得要说什么
糟糕。很矛盾
觉得自己很空闲，又觉得自己有好多事情没做好

啊～～！

ಊ

这两天，开始庆幸自己没被 Matric 录取。求神拜佛我的上诉也最好失败〔十一粒苹果的都失败，更何况我？可以把香跟蜡烛省起来了 ><〕
哇哈哈～
觉得自己有些白痴
没关系，有我自己的原因，开心就好 =P

很期待五月十一号。一个开始成为学生的日子
Wow~ 紧张紧张紧张。兴奋兴奋兴奋。
超怀念那些上课赶功课考试临时抱佛像的日子！〔抱佛像应该比抱佛脚有用？〕
噢不！这次我不会再临时抱佛脚了
我是完美主义者。And
The perfectionist does not believe that one can attain a perfect life or state of living. Rather, a perfectionist practices steadfast perseverance in obtaining the best possible life or state of living.

我不会再懒惰，也不再让自己有后悔的机会。我一定要发奋努力加油！

ಊ

上个星期一去 Popular，终于买到了 Eclipse。嘻嘻

还记得去年年尾我们朋友一行五个人，丢下慧雯跟嘉清在酒店，兴致勃勃的去 Times Square 看 Twilight 的半夜场。电影之前，没人知道那部电影的故事大纲，只有几个大概知道是有关 vampire 的
结果花了两个小时多的时间，看完出来后已经凌晨两点。一出来就骂个不停，五个人同时觉得全片最好看的只有后面结尾前的几分钟打斗场面 Orz
不过隔天去 Mid Valley 逛时，在 MPH 看到了The Twilight Saga 的四本书。由于不舍得花太多钱，敏慧和我就各自买了 第一本的 Twilight 和第二本的 New Moon，想说想读的时候可以向对方借，不用一人买两本那么浪费

结果现在我已经啃－ing 第四本的 Breaking Dawn 了，第一本却还没读过，除了前面的十几页。哈
谁叫我自己那么善忘，有机会见面的时候都忘了告诉她顺便带出来。
不过其实也没关系，看电影已大概知道它的故事〔虽然很不好看〕，我也可以把其它三本啃完 XP

话说，虽然电影很不好看，可是书却超好读。也许大部分的人喜欢 The Twilight Saga 是因为里面有人类和吸血鬼及狼人的爱情。可是我却被里面 non－爱情的故事情节吸引，比如狼人与吸血鬼各自的祖先的故事及“历史”，还有还有，作者描述书中人物心情与表情的功力及细腻度。
很佩服 Stephenie Meyer 的想象力


ps I want to be a vampire

I would never say never, anymore >.<

Status : Application under consideration


I just hardly stand during these few days, since the day I posted my application form.
The first thing I do once my computer is connected to the server is, go and check my college application status.


Oh ya, forgotten to say that I've finally came out with a decision, though I don't have much confidence with it, and myself.
Anyway, yeah, I am planning to do my pre-u studies at Tunku Abdul Rahman College!
Some of my friends asked, "why don't you go UTAR?" I wanna do A-Levels, I answered, always followed by a "lol" or "haha"
"Oh, so you're planning to study overseas?" The common question that usually comes after hearing my plan or after the first question.
I don't think so... I don't know

Arghhh~ I dislike uncertainty. In making a decision, I mean
I used to be proud of myself that, when people ask me what I am planning to study/ to do in the future, I always had a firm answer for that.
But for now...... HA-HA-HA (emotionless-ly)
When I was in secondary school, I often said that surely I wouldn't further my studies at any one of the Rahmans, for some reasons.
And yet now...... HA-HA-HA (emotionless-ly, again)

A strong sense of satire


Whatever, I shan't let those thingies bother me.

Well, that's what I've planned for now.

I don't think I have the chance to get JPA scholarship. As for Matriculation, the results had out last Friday. I didn't get it. But I did make 'rayuan' also, through youth MCA. And...... I don't think I have the chance, either. But at least trying is better than giving up easily. That's what I always... er... believe in?! ^^

I really can't wait to start my 'long-lost' student life, after months of rest (or laziness? XD)
At the same time, I am also very anxious about that. Will I be able to adapt to the new environment? Will I enjoy the new life? Will I miss my home? et cetera
Well, even though my application is still under consideration, it's quite impossible for them to reject me, as college needs to earn money also \(≧▽≦)/ (trying to comfort myself). Though the college wouldn't be able to earn my A Levels tuition fees (as through the college Merit scholarship I would get full tuition fees waiver), but the college still can earn my registration fee la, orientation fee la and all sorts of other special fees, right? Wakakaka~ (evil laugh)


Hmph, many friends have made up their mind. Overall, many decided to go to UTAR. As far as i know, just five of my Chinese friends got Matriculation admission offer, and perhaps three of them will go for it. While four friends are going to TARC......

Last but not least, BEST OF LUCK to all of 'em and myself!!



ps I think I found the answer to the question why I keep sick-ing in these few months. It's because, I do not study \(≧▽≦)/

If I didn't have you.

裤子失去皮带
才懂得对它依赖
时针停了更明白
时间过的多快
两个空空口袋
让我们跑得更快
站在空空的山脉
更容易看海

大家认识了至少都有八九年的时间
印象中，除了班级照以外，我们都从没来过一张完完整整的大合照，至今
可是至少在我还有记忆时，都会记得大家的

送给政翔的那本书，最近才被我啃完。他应该还在 in the process
不晓得何时又能再啃伯母亲手做的蛋糕？

虽然手机等等“科技产品”是学校的违禁品，我们还是会带去〔不良示范〕
不管老师是否近在眼前，只要觉得无聊透顶就会把手机放在抽屉边玩〔超不良示范〕
去年巧琪家来了个十八岁的可爱日本女生－Miki。
我们都借此机会胆粗粗把违禁品拿出来，跟她合照

好多年了没提灯笼。
嗯，突发奇想－找一年的中秋节一起办个提灯笼活动
希望不会被人告
谢谢有人愿意陪我疯

啊，学校的 Kem Motivasi 闷到不行。
虽然营地在海边 jek，三天下来吹冷气还多过吹海风。也不知是什么烂沙滩，连风都没有
但还是谢谢校方让我们增加了些特别回忆




班上的大色狼。他绝对是真睡！而且老师还在前面沥沥啦啦的
没办法，我们的 EST 香蕉老师是专业兼高级催眠师
我会怀念她那比其他老师高八度、尖尖的声音的
另外，也谢谢他让我见识到一个人可以那样变态



和慧雯同班了整整十年。那是绝对难得的事
我们都在不知不觉的改变
虽然有时候我们并不赞同对方的一些想法与做法，可是朋友就和情人一样，需要互相包容与忍耐
我们的性格绝对差得南辕北辙，可是我觉得那是互补
谢谢她这五年以来常常的忍耐与包容我




It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word
And then that word grew louder and louder
Till it was a battle cry
I'll come back when you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to war
Pick a star on the dark horizon and follow the light
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say goodbye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it, too
Doesn't means that you have to forget
Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
Till they're before your eyes
You'll come back when they call you
No need to say goodbye
You'll come back when they call you
No need to say goodbye

电视机给弄坏
忽然分清楚黑白
背著空虚的背包
才爬得上来
不断告诉我自己
随时离得开

Duh~ Never say never.

神经病
烦死了

真想不管不理不想那么多
都怪我有那么复杂的脑袋

啊～～
允许我发发牢骚
明天一觉醒来，
我又是
宇宙超级无敌精力充沛气质可爱大方美少女
『看 banner 就知道』

呐，
如果你非得要呕吐在你的电脑上的话，
我也不会帮你清理的
谁叫你那么不愿接受事实
哼！

神经病了
半生不死了

Archie Angels o(◕~◕)o.

最近疯狂爱上 David Archuleta 的声音
感觉他的声音跟二十五岁的 Shayne Ward 有些相像，尤其是唱慢歌的时候，所以喜欢。Shayne Ward 的声音我一直都很爱，而且是英国歌唱比赛 X Factor 出身的。可是他是个产量不多的歌手，所以只能一直听来听去那几十首歌 >.<

话说回来，David Archuleta 只有十九岁。噢，严格来说只有十八，他的生日在十二月二十八。十六岁杀进第七季 American Idol 决赛，并在十七岁夺得了亚军。08年开始推出了单曲，并于同年十一月发行了个人首张同名专辑。他也有份参与专辑里的 A Little Too Not Over You 及 Don't Let Go 的写歌工作。擅长的乐器有钢琴、键盘以及吉它。
Wikipedia 说 David Archuleta 的粉丝自称为 Arch Angels 或 Archies，可是搜寻的时候我也看到了 Archie Angels 及 Archie's Angels。个人比较喜欢第三个 =]

最近才发觉原来有很多把我喜欢的声音都是男的。哈哈，其实我每次都是先听歌，喜欢的话才上网 Google 下。非亚洲女歌手的话，我也蛮喜欢 Kelly Clarkson 的。她的声音很 powerful，而且也是 American Idol 出身的。可是最近的我比较喜欢稍微轻松“安静点”的歌曲。嘻嘻

说回 David Archuleta。 他的声音很干净，很适合唱慢歌。不过他唱的快歌也不错，让人听着听着想跟着节奏动起来。高音和假音也令人很舒服 XD

放了他几首我个人喜欢的歌曲。想听的话就先关掉部落格的背景音乐，再点击 play 吧 ^^

嗯，很期待他的下一张专辑 =P


想知道更多关于 David Archuleta，可到他的官方网站或 Myspace



ps 发觉很多外国歌手都是偶像加实力派的。包装得真好 ~_____~

XXS size 小丑鼻子.

星期五去了 KB ，弟弟跟朋友要去。我也因为手脚不知是敏感还是什么，连续三天一早醒来都长了痒痒的粒粒，就去看医生了。糟糕的是，到现在我都还找不到那敏感源 >|||<
同一天，我父母的朋友，也是我老师的老婆（真复杂 @___@）进了院。我就随同父母去探望她。
坐在外面，我选择最后一排的椅子，由开始的很多人到最后只有我一个人。

戴着耳机边听歌边读 His Dark Materials trilogy 的 Amber Spyglass。出奇地喜欢这种宁静。

逛了闷闷的水晶 + 书展，买了个类似魔术方块的东西

到昨晚临睡前才把那魔术方块彻回原位。很有满足感 + 成功感，哈！

ಊ

明天是我们０８年中五及中六生的毕业典礼。那天为了面试而买的 baju kurung 再次派上用场 ＾＾ 个人觉得，baju kurung 还蛮舒服的，只是走路要很小心。毕竟平时根本不会去穿那么长又“柔软”的裙
毕业典礼，不晓得为什么，感觉有点亢奋。我不觉得会有人哭。只要有电脑有电话，我们就不怕会失去联络，只怕关系会变疏远。不过，学生时期所交的朋友通常感情都不会太浅，是吧？

ಊ

Hmm，基本上，我已经有了大概的打算。只是略嫌信心不足
希望会有奇迹？ 希望吧

那小丑鼻子不是我的！ 啦啦啦～

逃.

太不安全了
这种感觉让我觉得很不安
我不介意生活是否平凡，只要过得有意义、充实

个个过来问我有些什么打算、在哪里、在做什么
这些都是我最不想回答的问题
也不想面对

这是我十八年以来过得最没意义的几个月
我绝对无法忍受这种日子，可是我还是如此过了几个月
shit.
终于把自己抓到镜子前，硬生生地，发觉是自己在逃避

太不好受了，真的

事件心情记录.

槟城太平都在下雨
我很喜欢下雨天
当世界都充斥着雨声时，那是一种安全感

很多在我上了中学后才认识的人都不知道我以前名字里的“竺”，其实是“竹”
我喜欢竹子，也喜欢天竺鼠
我更爱Chew Lun Chu

最上面被切掉将近一半的，是我五表姐亲手做的香蕉芝士蛋糕，它的 base 则是我做的
不够凝固，卖相不怎么好，香蕉味道还浓过芝士味道，可是至少可以吃 ~.~ （当然，base 是最好吃的 *不要打我*）
我很爱吃蛋糕，尤其是芝士的
有一天，我一定会做出卖相好，味道更好的蛋糕！

晚上十一点多，三代同堂坐在一起说鬼故事，一直到两点才各自会周公
谁说听与讲鬼故事一定要关上耳朵躲在被窝里的？我们都笑到嘴巴酸肚子疼的呢
我喜欢，这种温馨

我二表姐的女儿，我阿嬷的第一个曾孙－Caryn，恩恩（粤语发音）
长得很像她妈咪，长大以后一定也是个大美女
恩恩的小手抓得我的食指紧紧地，是她需要安全感吗？
我很喜欢小 baby 的小手和小脚，很可爱

表姐的宝贝狗－Moshi
我小舅的狗最近死了，他不想再养狗了
我很怕看着动物死去，所以自从中二为了生活技能的课程需要养了的仓鼠奄奄一息好几天才死去以后，我就不想再饲养任何宠物了
总觉得只要是被我饲养的动物都会很快死

有时，我很喜欢一群熟悉的人在一起温馨愉悦的气氛。甚至贪婪地想要永远维持着
有时，我很喜欢将自己与外界隔离起来，一个人的。
我享受透明的存在感

情绪冲击很大.

*3/31/09 at 1:26 PM*

昨天早上特地和家人先去确认了面试地点，Polytechnic Kota Bharu
嗯，从我住的地方去大概要半个小时，在道路畅通的情况下
那间 polytechnic 的附近有间中学。而且明天还要先载弟弟去上学。所以明天早上我必须在七点之前启程，以防因为遇上塞车而迟到。Better safe than sorry

这几天上网都到一些论坛去看关于 JPA 面试的东西
我不抱着一定要得到奖学金的心态（也不觉得我有那个机会），只希望自己能够够镇定。这样我才不至于出糗或犯下任何 stupid mistakes。再者，这是我第一次参加面试，这将会是个宝贵的经验

但是无可否认地，
我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张我很紧张


这几天我也尽量抑制自己不要紧张，可是明天就要面试了，我想这样控制忍着情绪也不太好。因此我须要发泄。

Oh gosh!

CHEW LUN CHU, BE EASY!

ps 我已经伤风咳嗽 for weeks 了，咳嗽药水被我喝了 for bottles，还是没任何好转。救命啊！我可不想在面试的时候一直说 excuse me Q______Q

ಊ

*4/01/09 at 3:45 PM*

I'm back!
哇哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈………（请容许我狂笑三分钟）
呼呼呼～喘了

嗯，今早七点半还没到我就到了那间 polytechnic
心情是还可以的，紧张还受到控制

穿着昨天刚去 KB 买的 baju kurung，一上楼梯就踩到裙脚，所以我干脆把裙拉得高高，以免跌个狗吃屎
签了名报到后，我就和其他人坐在走廊的椅子等
认识了中华中学可爱的 Xiao Wei 和 Kuei Ping （不懂她们的华文名字如何写 XP）。很巧的，我们都是 panel 2。更巧的是，Kuei Ping 和我一样都申请法律系 ^^
原以为我和 Kuei Ping 会同一组，因为听说他们会根据我们所申请的科系来分成五人一组进行面试
结果她被分去了别组，而且还是第一组进去面试的
她出来后，很庆幸听到她说没被问到 law-related 问题
接着，Xiao Wei 是第二组进去面试的
每一组的面试时间大概要一个小时，所以两组过了以后，我已经在那坐了至少两个小时 >_______<
当然，在干等的时候我都有跟好几个巫裔女生说到话。被我问到的都说申请 social science
而且在 Xiao Wei 那组面试完毕以后，原以为我马上就可以进去面试了，哪知道到了那些 interviewers 的吃饭时间，需要再等到他们休息好再来开始面试 >'''<
所以那段时间里，我和一位 MARA 的朋友－俊宏（我们是那里唯一两个来自 Tanah Merah 的面试者 XD）站在栏杆边聊这聊那的打发时间

在外等待的时候的确变得没那么紧张。可是当我踏进 panel 2 的冷气房并坐在椅子上后，顿时我整个人紧绷了起来，要是没控制我全身还有些微微发抖 V____V
*换 channel* I think that my interviewers are all quite nice. At least they didn't use m16 to shoot us. Just one of us was being shot by a 'rubber band' instead. >____<
In my group, I was the ONLY Chinese and the ONLY female. I was quite nervous at first when we entered the room.
After a short briefing from the president of the interviewers, we started our self-introduction session. And then followed by the group discussion session. Our group got two questions.
The first was something like Malaysia wants to be the excellent center of education so the students are encouraged to take their undergraduate studies locally and postgraduate studies overseas and how we feel (about that). And in this very first question also, I got very nervous and even now I still can't remember what I'd said that time. I was the second to speak out my points, and at first I really can't even manage to make a complete sentence. So while halfway speaking out my opinion, I stopped and took a deep breath, and the interviewers laugh at me!*lol*(Was it that funny?) But after that I really relax a bit and wasn't that over-nervous and stressed. (I don't know whether it's their laughter that helped me or the deep breath. But I think it's their laughter more XD) And yet then I still didn't know what I was trying to talk about so I stopped and let others talk first while trying to clear my mind and think again about the question. To my surprise, the other four group members agreed with that statement while only I was the one who disagreed. (I wasn't trying to be the unique one or what, just that I don't think that studying undergraduate locally while postgraduate overseas help much in 'pushing' Malaysia to be the excellent center of education) Then, here comes the "shoot-rubber-band session". After everyone had finished voicing out their opinion on that topic and there was still time left, so the number-five Malay boy who was quite talkative (or 'talkable'? XP) in our group raised his hand to add some more points. That's when and who who was shot by the rubber band by a Chinese interviewer. The reason is obvious and easy - he changed his stand 'accidentally' when adding his points. (Remember that I said that everyone agreed with the statement of the question except me? So yeah, the points that the boy added were rather more to disagree and frankly, quite alike with points I stated out earlier =P) So he 'was forced' to change from agree to disagree. *lol*
After that, the second question came, "after the independence of Malaysia in 1957, what have we achieved in this 52 years?" This one I really didn't know much. And the interviewer said that we can either use Malay or English to answer. The number-five boy started the discussion with Malay. Hearing one by one they talked on Malaysia's big international achievements, I was just trying very hard to think of any other that wasn't same with them (I don't think the interviewers would like to keep listening to the same achievements). Finally, I thought of the social thingies and I was the fourth to speak. *lol* I know it's quite lame, compared to others' points on huge achievements. But I was lucky enough too 'cause the Malay boy sat next to me who was the last one to speak said the almost-same thing as mine. *lol*
Lastly the interviewers asked us if there's any question, almost everyone had one, except for a boy sitting in the middle. Before leaving the room, we shook hands with the interviewers and thanked them as well.
Overall, I think it was quite relaxing and yet it was ME who made ME felt nervous and stressful in the room XD. I don't satisfied with my performance but it was indeed a good experience since it's my first time attending interview.




*at 6:40PM*

ps1 我突然换 channel 不是因为要 show off 我的英语（况且我英语也没几好），而是我突然没心情继续写下去，所以就干脆 copy & paste & modify 我在刚到家时 post 在一个论坛上的分享文章
ps2 我从在下午面试完的慧雯收到了一个消息。某某的家人有些事情，而我到了现在才知道。虽然很不愿承认，但我心情的确受到了影响。为什么总要收在心里？或许我并不了解某某
ps3 那个今天精心愚弄我的人，我不会那么坏的，要 blog 衰你。但要是那些你告诉我的是真的，我会替你感到高兴的，真的。虽然你觉得那圈子很黑暗
ps4 我明天又要去槟城了。一起庆祝外公外婆的大寿。还有，到红土坎拜公公婆婆以及大伯。感觉上，对比很强烈